Worst morning ever

This morning one of my worst nightmares came to life. I was rushing around the house getting the kids ready for school. I had gone out to the car to get Beth's shoes where she had left them yesterday. I get the twins shoes on and usher them out to the car because we are running so late I have to drive them the two blocks it takes to get to school. I'm about to buckle Cate when I do a head count. 1...2...3...3?

Where's Thomas? I go back in the house to look. Not in the dining room. Not in the living room. Not in the bathroom or office. I run upstairs, calling for him. Not in any bedrooms or the bathroom. Not hiding in any closets. I go downstairs again and look in the backyard. Not there. I run through to the front of the house. Not there either. I start to panic, calling, screaming his name. My street is dead quiet at this moment except for me. I run back into the house frantically searching every room and closet one more time. The entire time I keep running addresses I recently looked up of sex offenders in our area through my head. My son is gone.

I call Tom. He is still on his way to the office and gets almost no cell reception so it goes straight to voicemail. I call his secretary, tell her what happened and to have him call me the second he gets in. As soon as I hang up the school calls. The principal is telling me they have Thomas.

He had gone out to the street and was standing on the corner when one of the school buses drove by. The driver stopped but then realized this was not a regular student (hello! he was barefoot!) but saw no adult with him so the driver took him to the school office. The principal finally got Thomas to tell them his name and with family resemblances between the boys they knew who to call. At this point I am hysterical. I get the kids to the school, Beth and Patrick go to class and I talk in a conference room with the principal.

Later at home Thomas told me that he thought I had already left without him and that's why he went outside. I still feel like the Worst Mom Ever, even though I know there's nothing I could have done different.

Family update

Patrick and Beth started kindergarten! They were so excited and love their teachers. They love taking lunch to school. They love music class and art class and gym class. They are in separate classes and are still a little miffed about it but I know it is good for them to start becoming a little more independant of each other.

Thomas is almost 4! He is a ball of energy and plays so hard every day. He is always the first one asleep at night. He is very defiant right now, never wanting to do something that is my idea (like getting dressed before noon). Ornery as a mule I would say. He will be starting pre-school again soon at the high school in our town.

Cate is in Nursery at church! She doesn't cry anymore when dropped off. This week I started taking her and Thomas to Mom's Day Out for me to run my errands and they both did wonderful. Thomas never looked back when I left.

Tom became an associate with Steptoe and Johnson on August 1! Now he has paid vacation and sick leave and we have health insurance......

I'm getting our house organized! My very dear friend, Tasha, has been tirelessly helping me to clear out the non-essentials and create a more organized, less frantic home.

why so secret?

It is with much regret that I tell you I will not be pregnant ever again.

I will never again know the joy of being the only one to feel a child's first flutterings inside my body. I will never again walk miles of labor to push another child into this world. My breasts will never again ache with their fullness of sustenance. My weight gains from now on are completely my fault, not to be softened by the flow of warm, baby breath in a solid, heavy warmth snuggled on my chest while rocking. The joy and pride in seeing first smiles, steps and words. For Cate reached those milestones long ago.

Why, you ask, has this choice been made in my life? I found out recently I need to have surgery to repair my anterior wall. What is the anterior wall you ask? It is the front part of a woman's uterus and sits behind the bladder. Mine has been stretched and abused by my four large children so much that I no longer have much control. That's right, I'm 27 and have incontinence problems.

And I am tired of this being a secretive thing in our society! Women do not discuss the nitty gritty consequences of childbirth. No one talks about Baby Blues, Post-partum depression or this. Stress Incontinence. I can't go jogging. I can't jump on the trampoline with my kids. I must wear a Depends pad to aerobics class! It's embarassing and I'm going to talk about it. I realize there are plenty of women who have more kids than I that may never have the extremity of issues that I do. My body just responded differently to pregnancy than others.

It's true I don't absolutely have to have the procedures done right now. I could live this way for a few more years before I have a prolapsed uterus. Oh, that's when your uterus starts falling out of your body. Which is what I'm at risk for happening in about ten years. How do they repair this you ask? There are two procedures that will be done. One is a urologist will insert a cheesecloth-like sling under my bladder to support it and bring it up to where it should be. Then the GYN will stitch the muscles of my anterior wall tighter so the integrity of it will be returned.

I am so grateful for the beautiful, healthy children I have carried. I just always thought there would be one or two more of them. So, I am taking each day a little slower. Savoring each time my children snuggle onto my lap and the tight hugs Cate gives before I lay her down for a nap. I will miss naptime so much when it finally comes to an end. I will be a wreck in four years on the day she starts Kindergarten.

I always wanted to be done having kids by 30 and I got what I wanted.......

So long Summer

Dear Summer,

It is with small regret that I bid you Adieu this year. You brought pestilences in the form of fruitflies, fleas and houseflies into my home. My children and I are covered in mosquito bites. We have endured sunburns and long, hot days. I do not enjoy standing outside for 5 minutes and sweating while doing nothing. You make my children cranky and my kitchen too hot to cook in.

We have had some good times, true. We got to visit frequently with our cousins from Maryland, hanging out by the pool. Beth and Patrick learned to swim on their own. Quite essential since their grandmother here in town has a pool and we stayed at a cabin for two nights in the mountains to escape your blistering heat. I did find some very good deals at the annual city-wide Yard Sales.

Alas, I must admit that Fall is my favorite season. Beth and Patrick are back in school so my days are much more accomplished. They are loving and thriving in their classes and I love walking them to and from school, hearing all about their day. There is a nip in the air that I can't deny loving and the leaves are turning colors. We are back to storytime at the library on Thursdays and Mom's Day Out on Wednesdays. We are enjoying the fruits of our labors. Our pears from our tree were delicious and we love the grapes that have gone from a vine next door to jelly in our pantry. We also have sweet pickles to last us the next year. I now have pumpkins and corn stalks to decorate my front porch.

No, I must say I like you the least. I realize your visits are essential and we must endure together, but I will only endure. You suffocate me!

Sincerely,
Megan

Vaccines

I got this link sent to me by my dad. I had no idea these tissues were used to create vaccines. I'm quite shocked and outraged. I hope each of you moms do your own research and find out exactly what vaccines your kids are receiving.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2043905/posts

Tom's new baby and motherhood

• Tom's new baby
  
  People have told me I'm crazy for it. Tom got his (almost) dream car. Two weeks ago he became the proud owner of an Audi convertible. No, he'd not having a midlife crisis. We're thinking of it as a Father's Day gift since he got it the day after. I think I'm the best wife ever! In fact, I think I should get a new SUV for Mother's Day next year. I even found the perfect one at the Audi dealership...Pictures will have to follow in another post since the car is with Tom at work.

• Motherhood

Have you ever noticed how most mommy blogs are sugar-coated? All sweetness and sunshine about the life lessons they are learning from their offspring. I am not one of those moms and this is not one of those blogs. I love my kids. I truly do. But sometimes I really want to run away. Ok, not out of town runaway but definantly out-the-door-screaming-and-pulling-my-hair run away.

This morning I took the kids to a kids' Zumba class at my gym. It was cheap, I thought they would like the activity and Cate and I could have a good time watching. Wrong. Thomas wouldn't do it because he said the music was too loud, Patrick did the warm-up song and then sat down and Beth got tired halfway through and wanted Cate's snack. So, while I'm trying to get them back up and finish the class they are all sitting on one of my appendages and/or lap. I'm not a jungle-gym and have never advertised myself as such. I know, I know. "Someday they won't want to sit in your lap, Megan." "Someday they won't want to talk to you and ask you any questions." (When we pull into the gym parking lot), Beth: "Is this your exercise class Mommy?" "Is this where you park when you come to exercise class?" " Is this where you always park?" "Is this the parking spot you were in when you first came to exercise class?"

I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why I don't find as much joy in my children as others. Why I live for the days my sitter comes over and I get to go out alone. Why I cringe when I hear someone wailing/crying (again) and don't think "Oh no, what happened?" but instead "Now what?!" Why I wish I could go back and do everything over again and not have them so close in age. Why I love public school so much and think it should be year-round. Why I can't get my act together enough to motivate my kids to clean up after themselves instead of me playing maid every day. (Can someone please take their dishes to the sink without being asked?!)

Maybe I just needed to rant. Maybe it's the rainy weather. Maybe it's my cold feet in July. Maybe it's Buster chewing on everything in sight except his chew toys......

busy, busy, busy

Sorry it's been so long. Things have been crazy and hectic this past month. School ended and we got to go on one last field trip to a miniature horse farm. The kids had such a great time!

This was a dwarfed miniature horse. It really only came up to Cate's shoulder!


Our backyard flooded when a tornado went through our area. This is actually about 3 inches less than what the water level was at it's highest. We got water in our garage and basement. It's the city's fault, a sewer drain near our house was backed up.





Beth had her first ballet recital. They were butterflies! Alexis (her best friend from school) was also in her class this year. They had such a good time together and we are hoping they will either be in the same class at school next year or will get on the same soccer team.

We also have a new addition to our family. No, I'm NOT pregnant again. We got a puppy, which was our compromise to another baby. His name is Buster and is a cairn terrier (like Toto from the Wizard of Oz). We are getting used to having him in the house and I think he's getting used to the noise level of us. Cate is having the hardest time with him since his idea of playing is not the same as hers.