No, I have not fallen off the face of the Earth. I know I've been totally MIA for this past month. Call it a combination of holidays and me not feeling very inspired/creative/talented. We survived the holiday season, having a quiet Christmas at home with just us. DH cooked Christmas dinner as one of my presents and it was exquisite! Standing rib roast, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, roasted green beans... it was delicious. We went to my dad's house in Virginia for a few days and then went to my SIL's new house in Harper's Ferry for New Year's Eve. The twins are now back to school and Beth has just finished her second bout with strep throat/scarlet fever.
Several items have been constantly entering my mind recently. The first is how much I struggle with envy. I try so hard to not be envious of what others have that I may not. I recognize how hard my hubby works for what we have. Part of me knows that I should just be satisfied with what we are able to manage right now and we should live below our means, blah blah blah. Our parents grew up in tiny houses with one bathroom all their lives, I should be happy with the one and a half that we have. Then the other part of me is afraid that it will never be enough and why can't I have the big 5,000 sq. foot home! My home is overflowing with STUFF that I could do without, at least half of it. I swear I could get rid of half of everything and function just fine.
Yet I still get the "i need" urge when I wander the aisles at WallyWorld. Wallyworld is my escape. I will have a short list of things I have to get and will take three times as long as I need to get through the store, simply for the soothing, mindlessness I get from walking the aisles. No one is pulling on me, or asking me questions. I don't have to do more than one thing at a time. I can just focus on my items one at a time and if I happen to run into someone I know, I can stand and talk to them as long or as little as I please. As I wander I see new kitchen gadgets that make cooking prepwork look so much easier on my favorite Food TV show, or baskets and buckets that will surely help me organize my house and get rid of the chaos. I feel that as Latter-day Saints we "can't" do a lot, i.e. drink alcohol, gamble, but by golly! We can spend money!
I have been trying so hard lately to uplift myself and strengthen myself spiritually. I actually read my scriptures and try to remember to pray daily. I have turned off the tv during naptime and do not let myself get sucked into daytime tv. If i do watch something during the day it is most likely a Women's Conference talk from BYU tv that I recorded. Or maybe another episode of NCIS that I'm now hooked on thanks to my dear, sweet SIL who insisted I watch an episode with her while we were visiting. In all this uplifting and spiritual immersion, I have been seriously comtemplating the idea of homeschooling our kids next year. I know. Me. Homeschool. Never thought you would read those two words in the same sentence, did ya? I have been feeling impressions for quite awhile now that this is the right thing to do so I finally told DH about it and , as I assumed he would, he totally flipped out on me. We are still in the research/negotiation stage so I will keep you filled in on this. I just get more and more scared when I think about everything that kids are exposed to these days and how much worse will it be when they get to high school? I know that kids need to learn to deal with outside influences and stand up for what they believe in. But they also need to be "in the world and not of the world" and I will do everything in my power to prevent my kids from going through some of the pain and suffering I dealt with due to falling prey to worldy temptations.
I have acquired a new hobby, making hairbows for my girls. I have lots of people asking to buy them now. Of course, this comes right when it will soon be illegal for me to sell them without extensive, pricey testing for lead. Everything I have thought on the topic infuriates me and is better said by my favorite talk radio host Glenn Beck.
Whew! I know that was a lot and you're probably just as exhausted from reading it as I am from writing it. There are many more thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head lately but for now I must go investigate the mysteriously large bump that just occured over my head on the second floor.
Make Bows No More
11 years ago
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4 comments:
i have those same battles..i look to Matthew 6:19-21 when i get a case of the "gimmies". as far as home schooling - i'm in the same boat - i REALLY don't want our kids to go to APS!! i've started doing preschool at home with abby -- a trial run to see if i could really even handle "the real thing", may i suggest that for your younger kids...
I miss you! I understand how you feel. Envy is a hard thing to overcome- don't ask me, I haven't done it. Let me know how the homeschool thing goes though- I just enjoy the break from my kids too much. I couldn't do it, unless it was absolutely necessary. I guess we are pretty blessed to live in a mostly lds community and that my kids go to the best school in the district, but I have the same worries as you do. How can we keep our kids safe without screwing it up? Love you and you are doing a fabulous job. YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER!
Interesting post...made me think. It's so hard to be satisfied with what we have sometimes. I'm like you and love to shop. With five kids at home a trip to the store seems like a minivacation. I recently started a new budgeting program with Dave Ramsey and [gasp] I haven't even left the house since Sunday (hello! It's already Friday) and I think as long as I stay away I'll be able to stick to my budget! ha ha Like my grandpa used to say, "The heart don't grieve what the eyes don't see" and I guess that's true for me. By the way, I love Glenn Beck too and am anxious to see him back on FOXNEWS on Monday. Yeah!
(Your story about the twins in the parking lot was funny. I love it how other people--usually the 'older women'--take it upon themselves to judge our parenting skills. As if it isn't hard enough the way it is already. Do you care if I add you to my bloglist?)
Good luck with the whole being satisfied with what you have thing. I have to keep reminding myself to be grateful. Sometimes I pray to be reminded-- which might be why my garage door stopped opening electrically, which caused me to cause Jen West to find out who might be able to fix it, which led to me whining about my garage door not being usable for a few days, which made Jen laugh. Her comment, which was my reality check: "Um, we don't even have a garage." Okay, I'm a big whiner.
I have mixed feelings about home schooling (you know, given what I do for a living), but I really feel like that's a matter of personal revelation. If it's right, you'll know, and you'll be guided how to do it.
We need to get together!
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