A Hundred

by Tweedledee
(fill-in the blank poem from school)

I wish I had a hundred books.
I wish I had a hundred Crayola crayons.
I wish I had a hundred wheels.
But, I wouldn't want a hundred teachers.

What's in a name?

My brother is such an ogre. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. That's him in the picture with the Tank. When I was a freshman in college he legally changed his name to Ogre. Well, it's actually Ochressandro Rettinger but he goes by Ogre. I still have a hard time calling him Ogre and not the name he was given when he was born. The name I grew up calling him, Timothy Alan Gideon. Not a bad name in my opinion. In fact, if The Bug had been a boy I would have really liked to use Timothy.

Now, my brother never wants to have any kids and neither does his wife. They say they're afraid of what would happen since both of their sisters had naturally-occurring twins. Really, they're just not kid-people. I know that in the eternal scheme of things that everyone is a kid-person, but you have to be in the eternal-frame-of-mind. They definitely are not. She grew up Catholic and has nothing to do with religion now, he grew up in the Church like me but when he was in high school he went completely inactive. He is as far as you can get from organized religion. But he hasn't had his name removed for Church records so I still hold out some hope.

Each time I was pregnant DH and I were so picky about the names we considered. It could never be something trendy and we always ended up sticking with family names. Tweedledum was named after DH's uncle who was killed at the Pentagon on 9/11 and Tweedledee was given my middle name which is also the first name of several family members. The Tank was named after DH (DH is the Third and Tank is the Fourth) and The Bug....... I was walking the halls of the hospital in labor and we were still discussing names. It was down to three and I finally said that we would just have to wait and see what she looked like. Because of the baby-naming process I would be devastated if any of our kids ever changed them.

Before I was a mom I always thought what he'd done was pretty crummy (mostly because our dad found out from ME by accident) but now I would just feel rejected. Rejection of everything that I have striven for as a parent. All the ideals and values I'm trying to instill and all the love and thought that went into choosing THAT name for THAT child.

So, what do you think? How would you feel?

Test Kitchen Baker or How it's Going to be even Harder to Lose Weight.

One of my favorite podcasts to listen to is The Mormon Momcast and last year they interviewed Josi Kilpack who is an LDS author. One of her projects is a series of culinary mysteries which includes recipes for the dishes that are discussed in the book. Her latest that is about to be release is called Devil's Food Cake.

To make a long story short, I'm now one of the cooks in her test kitchen! I can't share any of the recipes I try until the book has been released, but as compensation I will get a copy of each book I contribute to and acknowledgements. Many of the recipes are desserts, which I tend to avoid having in my house anyway. Looks like I'll be logging a lot more time on the elliptical.

Sometimes your all just ain't enough.

I give up. I believe that I gave a valiant effort but I just. can't. do. it. anymore. Last week Tom and I were going over our family goals for the year when he says, "I think we need to re-evaluate homeschooling." I agreed that I had been thinking the same thing earlier that week when I ended up having a breakdown over my cluttered house while on the phone with a friend. We had been snowed in and stuck in the house for three weeks and my house never got clean. As soon as I got one room cleared and clean, another would be destroyed.

I know what you're all thinking, "Well, she just needs to teach her kids to clean up after themselves." To you I say a big fat,"Whatever." The point is that I had an epiphany amongst our wrecked, crowded, cabin-fevered mess. If I couldn't keep things together for a few weeks while the Tank was out from pre-K and we couldn't go outside, what the heck was I going to do next year when they were all home, all the time? Not to mention how miserable Tweedledee was with the lack of daily social interaction with her peers. Once a week at the library just wasn't enough. Tweedledum was a little disappointed when we told them but he's been fine since they started. They both love their teachers and are excited to be with their friends again.

I took them down to the school last Monday, filled out the mountain of papers and then walked them to their new classrooms. They desperately wanted to be in the same class but there weren't two spots in any one class. Tweedledum was first and interestingly enough, the class he is in is the one he was originally assigned to at the beginning of the year. Tweedledee was next and when I told her teacher that I had been homeschooling her her response was, "Yes, I know." Ummmm... do the teachers have nothing better to talk about in their spare time than the fact that I had decided to homeschool my kids? How did my family become a conversation piece in a school so large that it has five classes per grade?

While I feel that we made the right decision, I still worry about what to do when they get to middle school. I've heard nothing but the bad things that happen at the middle and high schools. How do we teach our kids to be in the world but not of it? I know that they need to learn how to stand up for their values and what they believe in, but how do we keep them from unnecessary exposure to the evils of this world? I suppose I just don't have faith in my own ability to raise my children to not make the same mistakes that I made in my youth.

the most cliche blog post

Well, I guess I'll jump on the bandwagon and post my goals for this year(which I don't think technically is a new decade since there are ten years in a decade and our current one wouldn't have started until 2001, thus making this year the tenth year? am i wrong? After all, the end of the first year, AD, would have been when Christ turned one, not the day he was born. For that matter, should we really be celebrating the new year at the end of December anyway? Okay, I'm rambling.)

1. Lose at least 30 pounds. I'm determined to start a Clean Eating approach to food even though it does not coincide at all with my favorite Christmas present, a hot chocolate machine.



2. Read my scriptures daily. I know! You're shocked that I don't already do it but it's true.

3. Write in my journal once a week. I know that every day is ideal, but seriously? I know it not gonna happen so why set myself up for failure? I even signed up for ldsjournal.com where they send you reminder emails and everything is filed safely away from natural disasters.

4. Learn to play the piano. Since we actually have a piano in our house now and my kids are taking lessons I have been inspired. I never had lessons as a child(despite my mom playing both piano and organ in church callings) and tried teaching myself in my early teens but quickly tired of the juvenile songs that were used in the learning book from when my older brother took lessons. I was able to memorize the right hand of one church hymn but quickly forgot it. I was always in choir in school and have a general knowledge of music. Time signature and all that. Plus, watching Little Einsteins with my kids for years has helped me remember all those Latin terms that are so essential in music. I've looked at reviews of a few adult piano course books and think I've found the right one. Anyone familiar with Albert's?

5. Blog more often. Because really, who out there doesn't want to read more of my thoughts on life?

6. Post more picture of my kids. Because I know that there are family members who do NOT read my blog to hear about my philosophizing of life.

7. Exercise at least 3 times a week. We have a fantastic new elliptical machine and I can count on one hand how many times I've used it.

8. Get organized! I really need to get my act together if the entire Primary program in our ward is not going to fall apart while it's in my care. I need to not feel bad about delegating things to my counselors and just let the Spirit guide me in my lessons. I also really need a secretary.



So, what are you aiming for this year?

Mommy's letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my four children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my son's boy scout uniform with staples and a glue gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month two pregnancies ago.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with three kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season.

Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
Motherboard

Royalty in our Home.

This week we got a new addition to our family. Tom and I talked about it a lot, not sure if we could handle another mouth to feed, but Tom had heard a story on the radio that melted his heart.









So I took the kids to Animal Control and we found a perfect little kitten for our family.

She's a 3 month old gray tabby and she was promptly named Duchess. You know, like from Aristocats? How would we ever think of pet names without kids' tv shows? All the people in our house love her, she's very tame and cuddly and tolerates all of the Bug's physical affection. She and the dog are getting used to each other. Just now they were both laying on the sofa within breathing distance of each other and there was no noise. A vast improvement from just a few days ago when he knocked over the Christmas tree trying to get to her.

And yes, I'm still trying to fill a nurturing void that I feel by accumulating furry children.